NO HE DIDN'T!

This happened two minutes ago. These are true and actual details of the event:

The door bell rang. I went down stairs and looked through the peephole to see who it was. It was a little man in his mid twenties wearing dark framed glasses. I observed him before opening the door. I saw him wipe something on my house. I kept watching. I saw him dig into his nose and again wipe something on my house. Again I saw him DIG INTO HIS NOSE AND WIPE SOMETHING ON MY HOUSE!!!! I opened the door.

"Hi mam, ... nothing crazy... I'm from (a windshield replacement company) and I saw that you had a crack in your windshield. Are you covered for that?

"I just watched you pick your nose and wipe it on my house."

"... Uh... Okay... ... ..."

"You can leave now."

"Okay."

I pulled my car into the garage. I will be hosing down my house upon finishing this post.

Meet Little Brother

Bored? Try saying this to your husband with a straight face,

"I want to thank you for choosing me above all other women."

I read somewhere that they like it so I gave it a shot. You have no idea how excruciating it was for me to get that sentence to come out of my mouth. But I did it, straight faced... and he didn't laugh. He loved it. He was smiley and giddy for days. Do it, I dare you. Make sure your legs are shaved.

Not That Awesome

Last Saturday we went shooting in the desert. Me and my little brother tried to make a super bad YouTube video of me shooting two guns. I thought I was going to look cool, like Angelina Jolie. I did not. My noodle arms look ridiculous and one of the magazines starts falling out. Nerd Alert. Shooting two guns is way harder than it looks.

Rude Dude

Remember when I scared Raegan with the Dollar Tree witch mask she gave me? What goes around comes around. Raegan went on another daddy-daughter date to the Dollar Tree. She bought Luke this.

It's a giant jelly-filled fly. Disgusting.
That night as I pulled back my comforter to get into bed, I looked down and saw that big nasty thing lying on my sheet (the fly, not Luke). I screamed, a frightened, little girl scream. Luke was laughing. He was obviously responsible.

I looked over at him and said, "You're Rude! You're a rude dude."


...I'm still laughing at that one. It was worth it just to be able to say that to him.